Mark Twain is one of my favorite humorists. Here are a few of my favorite quotes of his:
"I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell. You see, I have friends in both places."
"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest
woman I had ever seen. I have since been
visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement."
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
"I was born modest but it didn't last."
"Go to heaven for the climate; hell for the company."
Love, Honor, and Respect to all.